


Fire and Shadow

by Annwyn



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Continued in 'Castles on the Sand', Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-07
Updated: 2010-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-07 02:55:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annwyn/pseuds/Annwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sean attempts to atone for a derailed holiday and roles are reversed.  <i>Winner: Best Short Story, First RPF Starless Night Awards, 2003</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Fire and Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> Continued in _Castles on the Sand_

The late afternoon sun pours through the window, pooling on the floor beneath his feet; gilding him in gold. He glances over at the airline tickets littering the hall table, at the pile of luggage sitting by the door and his lips twitch in a helpless smile.

"Don't mess with the packing, Lij," Sean had warned him that morning. He had sounded so much like Sam that Elijah couldn't resist leaning over the kitchen counter for a kiss. What had started out light and playful soon deepened and intensified; the ardor that three years hadn't quenched consumed them, and breakfast had been abandoned in favor of another kind of sustenance. Their lovemaking had been joyful and unhurried, and entwined together in the afterglow, they had talked about their plans for the long-awaited vacation. It was the stuff of Elijah's dreams - a whole indulgent week on the Hawaiian island of Maui, isolated on the seaside estate of a friend's friend, yet near enough to civilization if they missed it. It was a respite they both needed desperately, for in four weeks time the media circus leading up to the premieres of the 'Two Towers' would begin.

Two months of interviews and photo shoots, of public venues where any displays of affection were frowned upon. Two months of pretending to be nothing more than best mates and fellow hobbits.

Two months of media hell.

"...I mean it, Doodle." Sean was still obsessing over the packing. "If you remember something you absolutely can't live without, just toss it in the carry-on bag - I'll take care of it." Elijah had run a lazy hand over Sean's newly defined abs and lean flanks and kissed a nipple in wordless reply. A white-sugar beach, a blood-warm sea and his beautiful Sean in nothing but his skin. _Yes_. The possibilities seemed endless. He couldn't wait.

~~~~~~~~

The prickle of arousal he feels at the surge of memory dissipates when his eyes fall on the hallway clock. More than an hour late. This isn't like Sean at all. Elijah extracts his mobile and speed-dials for the umpteenth time. The ensuing recording mocks his efforts and his knuckles whiten as he resists the impulse to hurl the instrument across the room in frustration.

_Where the fuck are you, Sean? Goddamnit - turn the fucking phone on!_ He leans his forehead against the window, blessing the comfort of the cool glass on his heated skin. _Oh god...Seanie...please..._

They're not gonna make the flight now. Not with airport security the way it is. Not on an international flight; not if they hope to avoid undue attention. He suppresses the thought with a wince. The fuck he cares about publicity. He just wants Sean to come home.

The sudden shrilling of the phone in his hand startles him badly. He doesn't recognize the number on caller-ID and his heart sinks to his toes.

"Hello?"

"Elwood?" Sean's voice is thick and raspy. "I'm at the hospital. Aly tripped at the party and fell - hit her head somehow - I don't know - so much blood..." he falters as he gropes for composure. "Five stitches, Lij. She's being x-rayed now."

Elijah barely hears him through the pounding of his heart. _Safe, safe, safe_, thrums in his ears. Then the words register, and his eyes widen. Of all possibilities, this is one he'd never considered.

"Oh babes - d'you need me to be there?" He grabs his keys and moves toward the door. "It won't take me long."

"No need to come, love. Chris and Lizzy are here and some of the mothers from the party. I'm okay. About the flight..."

"Don't worry about the flight, Sean." Elijah interrupts quickly. "I'll take care of everything. Trust me, okay?"

Sean sighs. "You know I do, Doodle. Book a later one - tomorrow afternoon maybe - and you'd better call Maui to let them know we'll be delayed."

"Uh - yeah." Elijah stiffens as he realizes belatedly what the delay is going to do to their plans.

"I'll try to get home tonight, but..." Voices murmur in the background. "I've got to go, Lij. Aly wants me. Love you"

"Sean, are you...never mind. Love you too." There's a click and the phone goes dead.

Elijah slumps against the door and shuts his eyes. Then he slides slowly down to the floor and the phone falls from his hand. He sits there, his thoughts adrift, as dusk smears the light with sooty fingers and true night wraps him in shadow.

~~~~~~~~~

Spears of morning light rip ruthlessly through his eyelids, and Elijah groans in protest. He turns on his side and reaches instinctively for Sean, but the warmth he seeks is missing. The pillow's smooth - Sean hasn't come home after all. He lies staring into space for a long moment, the remnants of half-remembered dreams slowly fading, and the tears that spill down his cheeks glint in the sunlight.

_It isn't as if I didn't expect it, anyway._ He rubs the wetness away angrily and climbs out of bed, stubbing his toe painfully on the jumble of luggage on the floor. _Damn it, Sean!_ The thought isn't enough, and he says it aloud. "Fuck it all."

It's going to be one of those days. He can already tell.

He spends most of the morning on the phone. When he's done, he feels restless, on edge. Sean still hasn't called. Well, fuck it. He isn't phoning Christine's house - and he isn't waiting around.

The mall is busy and extremely annoying and he hurries through his shopping. He's just getting back into his car when his phone rings.

"Lij?" His heart leaps at the sound of Sean's voice and his breathing quickens. "Where are you?"

He resists the impulse to throw the question back. "Just leaving the mall, Sean. How's Aly doing?"

"She's fine, love. Um - meet me at the house in thirty minutes? I'm already on my way." A heartbeat's pause. "We need to talk."

"Yeah - guess we do. Okay. I'll see you there." Elijah flips the phone shut and stares ahead for a moment, eyes blank and unseeing.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sean coasts to a stop behind the BMW and pries his fingers off the steering wheel. He flexes them absently and stares up at the silent house in disquiet. His partner had sounded odd; constrained and careful - not-Elijah. Not the cheerful, chattering monkey-man he loved. The uncommon restraint worries Sean profoundly. _Why do I always have to do this to him_? His mouth is bone-dry with apprehension. _How long before he can't take it anymore_?

A movement at the window catches his eye. He watches the pale figure move, blurring, fading into the interior gloom.

Waiting.

The hallway is quiet and empty. Sean calls Elijah's name and he appears from the direction of the kitchen, a mug of coffee cradled in his hands. The brilliant blue eyes raised to his seem to light the room with their soft glow. He hands the mug to Sean with a smile and moves away.

Later, Sean would wonder if the coffee had done double duty as a shield, forestalling closer contact.

"Uh - Lij, about the flight..."

Elijah's eyes darken and turn somber and measuring. "We're not going, are we." The words have a weary finality, a sullen resignation. "Sean..."

"Baby, please." Sean feels desperation catch at his throat. He grabs Elijah's hand and pulls him into the kitchen, sending the mug clattering onto the counter. Then he shoves Elijah into a chair and bars the way.

"Oh god, Lij... Look, I'm sorry, damnit. So sorry. I know how much we - how much we've looked forward to this trip. But I can't, I just can't. Ally clings to me so. This has scared her so badly." Sean can no longer look into the steady blue eyes. He turns away and begins to pace, his footsteps dragging on the tiled floor. "Lizzy's just a baby. Chris can't handle both of them - not with Aly hurt and needy. This is my responsibility, Lij." He drops onto his knees beside the chair and reaches for Elijah's hand. "There will be other times, other places. Please, say you understand..."

"Sean. Sean, I tried to tell you." Elijah lays his free hand against Sean's face and strokes it gently. "I do understand. What do you take me for, anyway? Don't you think I know you by now?" He leans forward and places a soft kiss on the curly hair. "I canceled the flight, Seanie. I didn't book another one. Barry understands too. He phoned Maui for me and took care of that end. I did hope - but it's okay, really."

Sean's knees go weak with relief. He lets himself fall forward, his head coming to rest in Elijah's lap. He shuts his eyes and sinks into the moment, breathing deeply of the familiar musky scent; taking comfort in the warmth of the firm thighs, the fingers combing through his hair. Wishing he could just burrow into Elijah, just lose himself in him, in the surety of a love that put his lover's need before his own. And the rest of the world could dry up and blow away - and he wouldn't. Give. A. Shit.

"Love. Sean. Hey, I can't feel my legs, Astin!" Elijah's laughing voice breaks into his reverie. Sean looks up with a start. Elijah looks down at him, a smile playing about his lips, and Sean's heart misses a beat. _God - he's so beautiful..._ and he asks himself for the thousandth time, _What the hell does he see in me?_

The moment is gone, vanished, but the warmth stays, and spreads. He gets to his feet - it's easier now with all the extra weight gone - and pulls Elijah up with him. The slender body slides up against his, a sensuous whisper of cloth and skin, roughening where their arousals meet.

Sean raises a teasing eyebrow. "Thought you were _numb_, Elwood."

"Only my legs, Seanie. The important bit's still very much alive, thank you."

Sean's reply is lost into the heat of Elijah's open mouth as it descends upon his with urgent force. He barely registers the grip of strong fingers on his hips, pulling and pushing, through the haze of arousal and the roaring in his ears. The kiss deepens, tongues thrusting, their heads weaving fluidly, angling for the most intimate crevices they can reach. The jolt of his back meeting the counter distracts him for a moment, reminding him of the need for oxygen, and other things. T-shirts are pushed upward, fingers scrabble at stubborn buttons, jeans fall to half-mast, and finally they're skin to skin, cock to rock-hard cock. Elijah gives a sobbing moan and buries his face in the crook of Sean's neck, his breath puffing hot and fast. They thrust frantically against each other, and the unbearable pressure begins to build; their rhythm turns ragged; and they scream their release into the silence and the echoes of their climax reverberate through their bodies and through the silent house.

It seems a long time before they move again, clinging to the counter with trembling fingers. Their eyes meet, still dilated, and shift away again, oddly shy. There had been a disturbing element of desperation in the encounter, subtly reminiscent of the early days in New Zealand, when love had taken them unawares and the future had been so uncertain. It worries Sean, and he nerves himself to speak when he catches a glimpse of the kitchen clock over Elijah's shoulder.

"Shit, I've gotta go, love. Promised Aly I'd be back to help with dinner and bedtime." He moves to the sink to wet a towel, towing Elijah with him, and they clean up quickly.

Elijah darts into the living room and returns with a shopping bag. "Here - this is for Aly. Read her a bedtime story for me, okay? And - tell her I love her."

"She knows, Lij. She may not understand our relationship, but she knows you love her - and she loves you too."

They stand in the doorway, hand in hand, and Elijah summons up a tremulous smile, opens his hand and lets Sean go.

As Sean drives away, the feeling of disquiet returns. A nagging feeling of something not quite right. The mercurial shift of Elijah's mood; desolation into passion. And he realizes what had bothered him at the last. The light of the setting sun had fallen full upon Elijah's face, revealing the tracks of dried wetness upon his cheek. Sean raises a trembling hand to his shoulder, and his fingers encounter a damp patch on the material. He knows that it will taste of tears, salty and bitter, and his heart contracts in fear.

~~~~~~~

"I'm a selfish fucking cunt." Elijah stares into his coffee cup, as if trying to read his future in the grounds.

Orli has a weekend free from shooting his latest movie, and they are sitting in a quiet sidewalk cafe in downtown LA.. Both are hiding behind designer shades, and keeping a sharp eye out for paparazzi.

He's taken aback by the outburst, and he favors his friend with a disbelieving glance. "You?" he snorts. "Don't be stupid, Elwood. You're generous to a fault. Why the bloody hell would you think that?"

There's a long silence while Elijah gathers his thoughts. "I wonder sometimes if I made a mistake," he says slowly. "If I hadn't told Sean how I felt, he wouldn't be so torn in two now. It hurts him, Orli, it hurts him so fucking bad when he thinks he has to choose between me and the girls." He sighs ruefully. "I know, I know - families break up all the time. But Sean's different - he's so good, so responsible - and he's carried a shit-load of guilt for so long." He fumbles for a clove and lights it, drawing the scented smoke deep. "He could've been whole - if not for me."

The scrape of metal against the pavement distracts him, and he looks up with a start. Orli has removed his shades and is leaning forward, his eyes on his friend. "Elijah Jordan Wood. Are you trying to tell me that you wish the last three years hadn't happened? That you're regretting you and Sean now?" Orli makes a long arm and whisks the sunglasses off Elijah's face. "Look at me and tell me - are you?"

The unmasked blue eyes are shimmering with unshed tears and Elijah grabs Orli's wrist and snatches back the shades. He replaces them with an angry shove and hisses back, "Are you mad, man? Regret Sean? Regret the three most amazing years of my life? Fuck - no!"

Orli relaxes slightly and then frowns. "So why are you a, quote, 'selfish fucking cunt'?"

"I can't help it, Orli. I - I just wish that Sean was completely mine; body and soul, and I know he can't be. Shouldn't be. Ever. He's got the girls to think of and - hell - I would never want him to be less of a father to them." His laugh is devoid of mirth. "Mine abandoned me and I fucking know how _that_ feels."

Orli looks at him quizzically. "Perfectly normal reaction, Elwood. A little selfishness means that you're sane, normal and, like you're so fond of saying, 'just like everyone else'." He falls silent for a moment. "Actually - I feel that way about Viggo and me, sometimes. The family thing isn't as intense, Henry being a lot older - but you know, there's his art and - well."

"I can't stand it; it poisons everything I do with him. I feel this lump of self-pity in my chest, I feel like bawling like a baby and I fucking hate it!" Elijah brings his fist down hard on the table in frustration.

They stare at each other in perfect understanding. Orlando looks away after a moment and whispers.

"Yeah."

~~~~~~~~~~

It's a late summer's afternoon, sticky and warm. The photo shoot had gone on longer than it should have, and already the shadows lengthen as the day segues into dusk.

Sean meets him at the door with a hug and a sniff.

"Hey!" he exclaims in mock anger. "I smell perfume! Cheating on me already, Ringbearer?"

"Veree funny, Astin. Haha. You know perfectly well it's Liv's. I think she used the whole damn bottle." Elijah nuzzles the soft skin under Sean's chin. "I'm beat, love."

"Okay - go take a nice hot shower." Sean takes him by the shoulders and steers him towards the stairs. "Dinner's almost ready. Don't be long."

Elijah takes him at his word and is done in record time. He re-enters the kitchen and stops in surprise. Dinner and Sean are nowhere in evidence and he frowns. puzzled. Then he hears soft footsteps and strong arms enfold him from behind. Sean says one word...

"Come," and takes him by the hand.

Barefoot, they go out onto the deck and down the steps to their private beach. The sunset is breathtakingly beautiful, a canvas splashed with flaming color by a profligate hand. There's a kind of hush upon the land at this hour, and it's easy to imagine that there's no one but themselves in all the world. Nothing but fire, and shadow, and each other.

Sean draws Elijah to him and the sunfire is reflected in his eyes. A sweet fragrance drifts up and Elijah's eyes widen as a lei of creamy orchids settles about his neck. Sean smiles as he hands another lei to his lover and bends his head to receive it.

"Sean - what -" Sean shakes his head and lays his fingers on soft lips.

"Later, love," and takes him by the hand again.

He leads Elijah down the beach to where a pale shadow leans out of the gathering darkness. A lighter snaps, a tongue of flame leaps and they stand in the golden light of four tiki torches thrust into the sand. The pale blob has coalesced into a three-sided lean-to, framed in aluminum and covered with silken cloth, the open side facing the ocean. Beneath this shelter is spread a large carpet figured in blue and piled with cushions and soft rugs. A portable grill is set well to one side, the mouth-watering aroma of Texas ribs filling the air, while beside it a low table is set with salad, French bread and a bottle of wine chilling in a silver pail.

Elijah is wordless, his eyes wide in surprise. Warm breath stirs the orchid petals, and Sean says softly, "Do you like it, baby? I know I can't make up for what we missed, but I wanted to try anyway."

A tremulous smile lights Elijah's face and he wraps his arms about Sean's neck. "It's perfect, Sean; but you know you didn't have to..." Sean shakes his head quickly, and Elijah subsides. "Hush, babes - I did have to, y'know. My supposedly-extensive vocabulary doesn't help when I can't find the right words to tell you, or when words aren't enough - then I have to show you - how much I love you. And how much I need you."

"Oh god, Babes - I love you too - so much." Elijah tightens his arms and draws Sean's mouth down for a dizzying kiss; and the echo of a murmured _Thank you..._ hangs suspended in the evening air.

A bit later...another whisper, and a giggle. "A luau, Sean? Nope. Arabian Nights - by way of Hawaii."

Later still...

"Seanie?"

"Mmmmm?"

"I'm hungry."

A soft laugh. "Your feast awaits."

~~~~~~

Soft music plays from a portable stereo and the grill still exudes a pleasant warmth; while overhead, the night sky shimmers with a sweep of stars.

Sean drains his glass and gets to his feet. He goes and snuffs the tikis out on the sand, leaving the farthest one alight. The palpable heat of Elijah's gaze is a brand upon his skin as he returns and holds out his hand in silent invitation, the torchlight flickering golden in his eyes. Elijah takes the proffered hand and smiles, a smile of such heart-stopping sweetness; it fair takes Sean's breath away. Cobalt eyes shift into midnight blue, dark with desire; Elijah pulls hard and Sean collapses atop him in an explosion of cushions. They roll over, gasping, hands kneading eager flesh, mouths open, clinging, avid; wet trails traced on silky skin. Clothes and orchids are ripped off, flung every which way, bare bodies caressed by the breeze, redolent of salt and the lingering warmth of the day. Elijah moans in protest when Sean pulls away, only to arch his back, shuddering, when soft lips close on sensitive skin. He is cupped in a warm hand and Sean takes him deep into his throat, stroking trembling thighs until they fall open in abject surrender.

"Seandidyoubringlube?" Elijah gasps and blinks dazedly as Sean's reply penetrates his sensual haze.

"Of course, but... Lij - please. I want you inside me," Sean whispers raggedly.

Blue eyes stare at him, suddenly alert. "But you've never - are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Lij," Sean moves up to lie beside him and caress his cheek. "I really do want this - if you're okay with it."

What has happened to staid, conservative and careful Sean? Elijah shivers as he realizes what is being offered to him. A total reversal of roles. Complete and utter trust. His eyes fill as he accepts the gift. "Sean, I - I want to love you in every way possible." A wave of tenderness washes over him and he whispers, "All you ever have to do is ask. You and I - we'll always be okay."

Elijah stuffs a cushion under Sean's hips, kneels between his thighs and scatters soft kisses over the taut skin of his stomach, reaching down to stroke Sean's cock to full and aching hardness. He squeezes out a generous handful of lube and coats himself, gasping softly at the touch, then moves slick fingers to Sean's ass and inserts a gentle finger, massaging the tight ring of muscle until it gives. Their eyes meet, and Sean smiles encouragingly. Elijah adds one more finger, then another, probes, finds, presses firmly, and watches Sean convulse in surprise. Then he withdraws his fingers and replaces them with his eager cock. He pushes forward slowly, and meets no resistance. He looks up, panting - Sean nods once, and he goes deep, in one slow thrust; deep into clenching heat, burying himself to the hilt in his beloved with a cry of joy.

Sean bites back a gasp at the hot surge of pain. Elijah holds still, quivering, allowing Sean's body to accustom itself to the intrusion. Then Sean relaxes with a sigh and Elijah begins to move, silken-sure. Part of Sean's mind, the analytical part, registers the unfamiliar sensation - the rest of him dissolves, drowned in a swelling wave of pleasure; pinpricks of heat sparkling, spreading over his skin.

Sean moves his legs higher over Elijah's arms, the better to see his lover's face. Elijah's expression is solemn, forehead knit with concentration as he pulls back until only the head of his prick connects them, and he stares down at their joining with wonder alight on his face. Then his eyes flutter shut and his mouth falls open as he strokes deep with a groan; his fingers dig into Sean's thighs as his rhythm falters and need rises in him in an urgent tide. Once, twice, three times he thrusts, hard and fast, angling to hit that sweetest spot, and they cry out as the pulsing climax takes them both, rising like molten lava, thick and searing, boiling over to flood the world.

They are wrapped in starlight, cradled in moonlight as they float slowly back to earth. Elijah withdraws slowly, and subsides onto Sean's chest with a weary sigh of contentment.

"Was it good, babes?" Elijah in shy mode is utterly adorable, and Sean smiles lovingly.

"Fishing for compliments, Lij?" Sean nuzzles the soft hair. "It was amazing - _you_ were amazing. And we'll definitely do it again." The night air is turning chilly, and he pulls a rug over to cover them both.

"Sean?"

"Hmm?"

"Um - do you ever regret anything? I mean - I see you hurt so much sometimes." He looks up hesitantly. "You're torn in two still. You'll never be whole."

Sean strokes his cheek with a tender finger. "But I _am_ whole; my heart, all the passion I'm capable of, is completely in your keeping. My love for my children is a different sort entirely. It doesn't burn me, or consume me - it doesn't take my breath away. Doesn't diminish what is yours alone."

He cups Elijah's chin in his large hand and looks into the glistening eyes for a long moment. "Is this what's been eating at you lately?"

Elijah nods sheepishly. "Uh - that and being insanely jealous of Aly."

Sean laughs, surprised. "You never - silly man." His arms tighten around Elijah and he confesses, "What you took for hurt was probably sheer terror. All the plans that went nowhere, the lost opportunities, the ruined expectations - I've been so scared too, you know. Scared that you wouldn't understand, terrified that you'd give up on us. Women all over the world adore you and I'm an older man with -"

He stops when a firm hand covers his mouth. Elijah smiles and shakes his head. "It'll never happen, Sean. I'll be yours always, if you'll let me. Nothing else matters, you know."

They lie quietly under the stars, completely absorbed in each other. Sean speaks softly, and his voice is a singing in the moon-lit dark. "We made a promise once, you and I. Do you remember? After Cirith Ungol, when we chose our road and knew it would be hard. To be honest with each other, and not to hide the things that matter." He sighs. "I guess we lost sight of that. Only three years - and we still forgot."

Elijah squirms around and props himself up on Sean's chest. His eyes blaze with determination, and Sean feels the heat of them on his skin. "We'll promise it again, baby. Again and again - as often as it takes. Eventually we'll remember; it'll be like your golf and muscle memory. It'll take lots of patience, but we'll get there, I know we will. 'Cause I love you - and I plan to be with you for fucking forever."

The torch gutters and goes out, and the beach is paved with moonlight. Soft laughter swells over the silken sigh of the surf, winnowing through the sand. The moon exerts her pull upon the waters and on the sea that is a part of everyone; and they rise with her, love under her light, and revel in...

...sweet lunacy...


End file.
